Depression is a nasty, evil, vicious cycle.
You are depressed, so you can't be bothered. You can't be bothered, so you sit about doing nothing. You sit about doing nothing which makes you depressed. You are then more depressed, so you can be even less bothered.
The question is, how do you pull yourself out of this cycle? Do you allow yourself to sink so far into it that you can't possibly get any lower so that the only way is up? Do you force yourself to do something? Anything. Or do you leave it and wait for a miracle?
I have inevitably found myself trying to force my way out of the cycle. This really might work for a couple of weeks, months even. I might even begin to feel good. I know that sooner or later that big black hole, that I am constantly clawing my way out of, will open up and I shall once again find myself at the bottom.
Is there anyway to beat this? I don't want to take antidepressants. I don't want a life that is dependent on medication. I don't want to go to counselling, because, well, because I can't be bothered. Plus, I am embarassed about admitting that I have a problem. No one wants to have a mental illness, do they?
I watched Closer the other night with my Fiance. There is a really good quote in that film, which I think it worth mentioning:
Dan: I apologize. If you love her you'll let her go so she can be happy.
Larry: She doesn't want to be happy.
Dan: Everybody wants to be happy.
Larry: Depressives don't. They want to be unhappy to confirm they're depressed. If they were happy they couldn't be depressed anymore. They'd have to go out into the world and live. Which can be depressing.
I wonder at how much truth is in that comment. More than I'll ever know I suppose.